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Sunday, May 2, 2010

3 AM Thoughts and Lost Adventures

Is it "living with a disability" when you are born with it and have never known anything different? Wouldn't that just be living? I don't know why that thought came to me but it could be from the pain I have suffered this weekend. I couldn't hardly walk last night after cleaning my house.

My leg was hurting really bad. When my leg does this,it always hurts at the bend of the knee, where my leg meets the prosthesis. I was cleaning my house and I guess that is too much activity for me to handle. Granted, my house did resemble a landfill for teachers, but I still should have been able to clean it without being in pain.

I was invited to a party that evening and I had to walk around stiff legged because it hurt to bend my knee. I really wanted to go swimming, but I think it would have made things worse, at least that night.

I hate being limited because of my leg. I have decided that I should NOT go to Korea at this time. Oh yeah, I didn't mention Korea on here. I applied to teach English overseas in Asia. I was accepted and I am in the middle of filling out the remaining paperwork in order to go teach at a private school in South Korea for a year. After this weekend though, I have to admit to myself that I can not go with the state my leg is in at this time. And it is very possible that something like this or worse could happen while I am over there.

This was a hard decision to make/accept. I've been thinking about teaching in general and I don't think I should teach the younger grades because of my leg either. In Kindergarten you need to get down on the floor or constantly crouch to be on the kids level. There are some things I can do to help make using my leg easier. I just have to do it. I think finally I have the motivation to do what needs to be done. Otherwise, I won't be living, I will be existing....with a disability.

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