BLINDSIDED

I just asked a guy I chat with online if he would ever date someone with a prosthetic limb. He said "no, it would be too weird". (((My heart just wrenched)) He then added.."maybe, it depends how they made me feel, if they could make me laugh and stuff". He then asked if some guy with a fake limb asked me out. I said, "No". He said, "Well I was gonna say you need to tell him no and date me.....that was a weird question to ask though." I said, "Not really..." And then I told him I was 13 when I had my leg amputated below the knee. He apologized instantly and told me he felt like a complete asshole. I guess he thought he was answering from my perspective..and was going to make it funny...but it backfired on him completely....I felt a little bad blindsiding him that way, but I had a very bad experience earlier today, and I am an emotional cutter, or masochist..whichever..and I wanted to see what he would say. Normally..I will just tell people I talk to online after we have chatted for awhile. I don't set them up or "test" them.

But this little insight has given me something more to think about. How many more people feel this way?

Ok, I just talked to someone else on messenger and he instantly said " of course" to my question of if he would date someone with a fake limb.. So maybe other guy really was thinking something different...hmmmmmmmm

Sweating to the iPhone

So I joined a gym recently. I went two days last week and three this week so far. I think I will try to get up and go early tomorrow. I'm getting really tired of being up all night and sleeping all day. Each time I go, I try to increase the amount of time I use the Elliptical machine. I am up to 20 min. After that, I use the weight machines to tone up my arms. I think my prosthetic leg is shorter because my back seems to hurt on one side if I walk for to long around the track. I really need to get it looked at and adjusted...my leg that is, not my back. I hurt my right arm though...not sure what I did. I guess I strained the muscle. I really should warm up more before I start.

I really want to lose this weight. I need to. I am not getting any younger. I cant expect to be a good teacher if I cant physically handle walking around the school. I have to be able to keep up with the kids. Everyday I am reminded why I need to lose this weight and become healthy. It has never been like this before. I really do want to change. I hope this time I can.